smuggling gerbil

i need to figure out a way how to smuggle my pet gerbil on my flight to california. the hardest part is getting it through security. and in case you didn't know, all animals are prohibited on planes except dogs and cats.

if you say anything about richard gere or anus, i will smash you.

here are my ideas so far:

• wear a big coat/jacket with an oversized inside pocket and without a shirt underneath. that way, when they say "take off your coat, miss," i can say, "i'm naked under, do i need to prove it to you?"
• put him in a small custom made drawstring pouch and tie the laces around my leg. and wear a poofy 19th century petticoat.
• feed him nyquil (without killing him) and put him in the pocket of my hoodie.